How to Say “No,” When You are Pressured to Say, “Yes.”

by thinkingfromhope | Jun 9, 2020 | 10x your Hope

By Jennifer Lindberg

Feeling a bit “meh’ with your response to saying no? Are you tired of feeling guilty about saying, “no,” when the project is wrong for you, the timing is off, or you need to focus on family priorities?

Are you tired of being pressured to say yes? Those of us with a servant’s heart and discipleship mentality want to help others and cheer them on. We struggle telling others “no.”  We want to please, not just for show, but from a deep conviction that we are making a difference in someone’s life.

We make all kinds of excuses not to say no. Here’s an amazing secret: You don’t need a reason to say no. You know your time limits and restrictions. How many times are you frustrated, over whelmed, and sometimes don’t do as good of job as you could have because you said yes, instead of no? You don’t need to feel guilty about saying no because when you have said yes to other things it means you have to say no to things that don’t fit in this season of your life.

I love to talk about true self-care. Saying “yes” when you should say “no” does not serve you, allow you to thrive, and depletes your capacity to truly help others.

You know the drill:

• You told your family you would add no new commitment to your schedule, but this person really needs help planning the church picnic. You promise it won’t happen again
• You know you can be disorganized with too many balls in the air, but for some reason you think you have two extra hands to juggle them —when all your commitments mean staying up way too late and being grouchy in the morning
• You spiritualize the matter. You think just because you say yes to something when you know there is no time in the schedule and it will stress you out that God will just make it happen.
• You know your limitations but refuse to admit you won’t be a good fit because you just want to help where needed.

A lot of people I’ve met in ministry, work, and family life, overextend themselves because they don’t have a good script of saying no in an authentic way. God does take care of us, but He knows our limitations better than anyone. While He will get you through the ‘yes’ that should have been ‘no,’ He didn’t ask you to carry that cross. That’s why those yeses sometimes make you so miserable. God wants you to have joy, peace, and understand the season of life you are in to thrive.

People are always looking for tools to save time, money, bring joy into their lives and sometimes the simplest way is to say no. Here are 5 Sure-Fire Ways to say no when pressured to say yes.

1. Your project sounds wonderful, but is one of those times I cannot connect while trying to ______________ (finish my book, meet my deadlines, etc.) Thank you for understanding and cheering me on as I ____________ (finish my book, meet a huge deadline.)
2. Thank you for wanting to include me in your endeavor. Unfortunately, I am not able to participate at this time. However, I am _____ (praying for you, cheering you on) for you continued success.
3. While I am honored by your request, and would love to say yes, the reality of my time makes this a no.
4. Thank you for reaching out to me. With all the requests I get for help, I’ve created a FAQ document with my best tips and advice on your problem. I hope it serves you well.
5. I’d love to meet for lunch, but it doesn’t fit in my schedule. Can we connect on the phone instead? I can talk from 8 to 8:30 a.m.

Bonus: I use this one for more personal requests, especially if I know the person well or have worked with the professionally for many years.

I really appreciate you asking me, but I must stay true to myself and decline this opportunity. It is so hard for me to say no, but necessary in this season of my life. Thank you for understanding.

Grab the free PDF to always have it near your desk– how to say no