I’m a Mid-Western girl more comfortable in seas of blue sky and views of green cornfields on my horizon instead of ships. I like sand at my feet but prefer farm dirt and leaves squishing through my toes.
Those ocean waves of blue can still open up any land-locked heart. The waves lap up hope, healing, and deep messages. Christ calmed the seas, setting out on them to give Hope of Salvation. Hope pushes into your depth bobbing through your pain until you buoy with confidence because you have found your anchor forged with faith.
Looking at the ocean, I see bucket’s full of hope. Those millions of drops of water add up to hope. It also represents my writing. I want to pour out my words like water, letting them gush into my life, and drown it with joy.
I laid my writing down for a long time. I was an award-winning journalist taking pictures of the stars like Cindy Crawford when she came to town, interviewing country-music star Sammy Kershaw on the phone, and telling stories of regular people doing good deeds. Switching to the Catholic Press, I interviewed Cardinals and traveled abroad. I had a really fun life. I laid it all down when I had six beautiful babies and a sick mom who was bed-ridden. It was easy at first to stop writing. I’d had a great career. When number three came along and I was changing his diaper while interviewing a cardinal on the phone, I knew it was time. I couldn’t juggle it all anymore. It was OK. I was relieved. There wasn’t enough me to go around. I am not a great multi-tasker and I’m hands-on. I didn’t want to miss a thing with my little ones. I wanted to be able to hold my babies as long as I wanted. I didn’t want to worry about deadlines or phone interviews. I didn’t want any one else depending on me, just my babies and my husband. It was beautiful. It’s still beautiful.
All writer’s know that writing is a large part of your heart. It can lay fallow for awhile, but it starts wanting to push back up to the surface. I had to keep pushing it back down, especially when my beautiful mom got sick with COPD and her lungs gave out with the disease. She suffered heroically before she died. She couldn’t breathe but she still smiled. I was in tears and she told me I was beautiful and not to worry about her. I cried harder. I was exhausted with trips to see her and raising little kids. I didn’t write much, if at all. I started to miss this expression of myself.
Now, I see how God was working. He was letting my writing lay fallow to grow. I suffered a lot during this time. It made me better. I had a lot of time to ponder things rocking all those babies–the youngest is five now. I had a lot of time to let hope grow. I had a lot of time to pray in emergency rooms and hospital rooms with my mom. My aunt–who had taken over grandma duties–surprised us all and died six weeks before my mom. I was pregnant with number six and my gallbladder was failing. I buried the women I loved the most in the world. The dirt was still fresh on my aunt’s grave when I buried my mother. I am an only child. My entire family lies in the same cemetery one headstone after another. It was a hard time that made me reach for Hope. Hope, faith and love have a name: Jesus Christ. My suffering of seeing my loved one’s die made me rely more on Mother Mary and all the saints. My tears watered my faith as I cried out to God and it sprouted hope. I miss my mom and my aunt. I miss that they didn’t get to hold my babies. Hope grows in the worst circumstances and it inspires in the best of circumstances. I learned that the hard way, but I’m still grateful to have learned it at all.
Thanks for thinking and reading about hope. Give it to others!
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